Stage One: Who was I before all the roles?

Stage One: Who was I before all the roles?

Who Was I Becoming?

I Am Still Here. I Am Alive. I Have the Power.

Before we talk about reclaiming anything, perhaps we should first ask: What was there in the beginning? Not possessions, not achievements, not qualifications. You.

Today, I want us to go back, not because the past was necessarily better, but because it contains clues. Clues about what excited us. What mattered to us. What we believed was possible. And perhaps even clues about the person we were beginning to become.

“When I Grow Up…”

In the early 1990s, there was an insurance advertisement in Kenya that stayed with me. Children appeared one after another, saying what they wanted to become when they grew up: pilot, doctor, teacher, driver, police officer, secretary. The careers reflected what children could see and imagine at the time. Then one little boy appeared wearing oversized clothes and said something different: “When I grow up, I want to be like my dad!” That boy got my attention. Everyone else had told us what they wanted to do. He told us who he wanted to become. Think about that. He wasn’t talking about an occupation. He was talking about a person. Something about his father had made such an impression that this little boy concluded:

Whatever he is, that is who I want to become. How did his father make him feel? Safe? Loved? Important? Perhaps he admired his father’s confidence, kindness, courage, humor, or strength. We don’t know. But we do know that the little boy had seen qualities in another human being that he wanted for himself.

And that leads to today’s first question: Who did you want to be when you were growing up? Notice my question. I didn’t ask what you wanted to be. I asked: WHO? There is a difference. Before the CV Long before we learned to describe ourselves through qualifications and careers, we were already becoming somebody. Think about yourself at 10, 12, 16. Were you curious? Quiet? Adventurous? Stubborn? Competitive? Funny? Creative? Bossy? Perhaps “leadership potential” hadn’t yet entered your vocabulary! Were you the organizer? The peacemaker? The one who always asked questions? The one who got everybody into trouble, or the one who got everybody out of trouble? Who were your friends? Who knew you well? Are any of those people still in your life today?

There is something wonderful about old friends. They knew us before our profiles. Before the degrees, before the titles, before marriage, before children, before we became “terribly important.” Sometimes an old friend remembers a version of you that you have almost forgotten.

What Made You Curious? Children ask a magnificent question: Why? You give an answer. They ask why again. You explain. Another why. Eventually, exhausted adults resort to: “Because I said so!” But children aren’t trying to irritate us. They are discovering their world. Curiosity is one of the earliest ways we grow. So what made you curious? What could you spend hours doing? What did you want to understand? What did you read simply because you wanted to know? What did you dismantle and perhaps fail to put back together? What did you explore? What questions did you keep asking?

And here’s an interesting question for the adult you: What are you curious about now? Don’t answer yet. Just notice whether the question feels easy or surprisingly difficult. What Made You Feel Capable? We probably didn’t call it self‑confidence when we were children. We simply discovered: I can do this. Perhaps you could run, sing, debate, draw, dance, write, cook, lead, make friends, fix things, tell stories, solve problems. Perhaps someone trusted you with responsibility. Perhaps a teacher noticed something in you. Perhaps you won something. Perhaps you failed spectacularly, tried again, and discovered that failure wasn’t fatal. Somewhere in those experiences, a small internal voice was forming:

Maybe I can. What strengthened that voice in you? And What Felt Like Adventure? Brownies, cubs, scouts, girl guides, rangers, first aiders, sports, drama, music, church groups, school trips, camping, competitions, clubs. For some of us, these were our first encounters with a world beyond home. We wore uniforms, collected badges, made friends, took responsibility, learned practical skills, discovered leadership, got dirty, got lost, got found! And sometimes we discovered things about ourselves that nobody had explicitly taught us:

I am brave. I can lead. I can make friends. I can help someone. I can survive away from home. I can learn. I can figure things out. Long before leadership programmes, personality assessments, and development plans, life was already dropping clues. Were you paying attention? Probably not. You were busy growing up. Then Someone Handed Us the Reins

Most of us begin life with somebody else controlling the speed. Parents and guardians determine where we live, where we go, what we eat, which school we attend, and what we are allowed to do. Gradually, the reins move into our hands. And then life gathers speed: education, work, career, achievement, relationships, marriage, children, responsibilities, expectations, bills, deadlines, opportunities. Some we take. Some we miss. Some dreams evolve. Some are postponed. Some stop making sense. And others become so quiet that we forget we ever had them. There is nothing necessarily wrong with this. It is life. But sometimes we become so busy building a life that we don’t notice how much we ourselves are changing inside it. And that is where I want us to stop today. Not to judge. Not to regret. Not to fix. Simply to notice.

Open Your Suitcase

For this series, imagine that you have a suitcase beside you. Today, we are not emptying it. We are not deciding what stays or goes. We are simply looking at some of the things that were there early: dreams, curiosity, friendships, adventure, confidence, possibility. Perhaps some are still there. Perhaps some changed shape. Perhaps something you haven’t thought about for 30 years is about to surprise you.

So before you close the suitcase today, ask yourself: Who was I becoming before I became so busy being everything else? And one more: Which part of that person would I enjoy meeting again?

Your Turn This week, don’t give me your job title. Don’t give me your qualifications. And definitely don’t send me your profile! Complete just one sentence:

“Before all the titles, I was someone who…………..”

I am looking forward to your answers. Some may make us think. Some may make us emotional. And I suspect some will make us laugh. All of them belong in the conversation. Because we have only just opened the suitcase.

I am still here. I am alive. I have the power.

#ReclaimingYourself #BeforeTheTitles #IAmStillHere